Social and Commercial Conflicts Cause Cruelties to Millions & Cost Trillions

Tactfulness Advances Learning & Leadership & Cures Conflicts

“This writeup lacks a sense of proportion. It unfairly generalises haphazard, scattered happenings.”

“It runs down our civilisation and insults a majority of well-behaving people.”

“It paints usual differences among democratic citizens as conflicts and unreasonably damns all respectable folks as ‘cruel’. In fact, it attempts to equate humans to wild animals and…..”

These were the reactions of some local erudite people, high level executives and social ‘leaders,’ who attended an informal meeting that was arranged to sound them out about the first draft of this blog.

We explained to them that according to the Cambridge Dictionary the word ‘cruel’ means: 

"extremely unkind and unpleasant and causing pain to people or animals, with an example of usage that reads, “Don't tease him about his weight - it's cruel.”

We tried in vain to bring to their notice that ‘civilised’ people always have virtues of respect, patience, temperance, humility, honesty, kindness, tolerance and generosity. These are lacking in many quarters. But, tempers ran high and one person even went as far as to say that we were talking about ‘saintly’ folks and not common people, a few of whom may lose temper once in a while, given the hectic schedules and the change that is turning the world upside down.

Still, trying to drive home the point that such radical change calls for preventing differences from degenerating into conflicts. To bring the discussion to a logical and rational level we circulated the following findings mainly from Google snippets:

• Quarreling is a fact of life, occurring between the best of friends, in the happiest of marriages, and between parents and their children.

• According to the latest available data from UNICEF, half of world’s teens experience peer violence in and around school

• Physical fights and bullying disrupt the education of 150 million 13-15 year-olds worldwide

• 3 in 10 students in 39 industrialised countries admit to bullying peers

• Over 90% of couples argue. Nearly half of all couples will argue multiple times a month, and 8% said that they argued every day. Interestingly, only 3% of people said (or claimed) that they had no arguments at all. Clearly, arguing with a partner is a common and normal part of a relationship.

• The most important statistic - 85% of employees at all levels experience conflict to some degree. U.S. employees spend 2.1 hours per week in conflict, which amounts to 385 million working days. The situation in other countries may not be very different.

• 34% - conflicts between frontline or entry-level employees (who may have not yet learned to manage conflicts); 24% - clashes between line managers and their teams as per a CMOE survey

• In another survey by Insider, everyday Americans conduct 11 million meetings. What's worrying is 92% of the workforce considers these meetings unproductive and costly. A third of them are unproductive, and can cost organizations up to $37 billion. And that's just the US alone - conditions may not be very different elsewhere. 

• Companies spend more than $2 trillion on acquisitions every year, yet the M&A failure rate is between 70% and 90%. Most explanations for this depressing number emphasize problems with integrating the two entities involved.

This data shows that serious conflicts (not normal, casual differences) are common occurrences at all levels, i.e. among school children to top management. The ‘civilized’ crowd calmed down and unanimously said, “this appears to be a serious issue, but what can be done?”

What is Tact?

Talent Acumen Courtesy Team-spirit

Easy solution! Develop ‘tactfulness’ among all stakeholders at all levels. Then, the question arose as to “what is a tact?” Many do not have a clear idea. “Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy," says Isaac Newton. Winston Churchill goes a step ahead and laconically defines it as, “Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.”

How important is tact for success in life and career? To quote William Gilmore Simms, “Tact is one of the first mental virtues, the absence of it is fatal to the best talent.” (emphasis added)

According to an account narrated in an issue of NCO Journal (a forum for Training, Education and Development), General Patton, while on a visit to a field hospital saw a soldier without any wounds. He asked the soldier why he was there in the hospital. The soldier answered, “can’t take it any longer.” General Patton sensed ‘cowardice’ and slapped the soldier.

The use of tactfulness was one of General Dwight D. Eisenhower’s many talents. After he came to know of the slapping incident, he wrote a letter to General Patton stating, “I am attaching a report which is shocking in its allegations against your personal conduct……..I clearly understand that firm and drastic measures are at times necessary in order to secure desired objectives. But this does not excuse brutality, abuse of the sick, nor exhibition of uncontrollable temper in front of subordinates……."

Eisenhower’s letter provides a perfect example of tactfulness. 

So how does one develop tact, a make-or-break virtue? 

The question has vast ramifications and includes many other disciplines. Before going to the lessons advocated by experts, we asked ourselves whether there can be a PROCESS for such an amorphous and subjective art like TACT.  That’s when we heard a Bollywood song, where the hero asks, “Pyar karne ki reet batao”? Everyone was curious. Can there be a process for falling in love? If there is one then, there should be one for TACT too.  The heroine had the answer, when she responded, “Na batiya banao, pahele kisiko apna banao”, which means “don’t bluff around, first be one with someone”. 

And now let’s look at what experts advices. Napoleon Hill, in his best-selling book ‘Think and Grow Rich’, recommends a positive mental attitude and defines it as “comprising the 'plus' characteristics represented by words such as faith, integrity, hope, optimism, courage, initiative, generosity, tolerance, tact, kindliness and good common sense”. So tact is essential to a positive mental attitude. The last on the list - good common sense - is the key. In essence, it means heeding grandma’s advice to count to ten before saying anything, especially when it is not positive or complimentary. 

There are some other suggestions to become more tactful:

• The foremost vital lesson is to be an “active listener”.

• The Chinese philosopher, Lao Tzu, who is followed by even military strategists and diplomats, advises: “Respond intelligently even to unintelligent treatment.”

• Remember words are weapons; use them with utmost caution.

• Be empathetic. That means respect others’ view points while trying to sense and understand their anxieties and difficulties.

• Choose the right timing and postpone a meeting, if you sense tension in others. This is highly important.

• Stick to the topic of conversation/negotiation/discussion and strictly avoid making personal comments.

• Remember that while many advise the use of humour to escape an impasse, it can upset some.

And finally, a recourse to Bollywood songs for the most effective lessons. For mastering tactfulness, building rapport and establishing an understanding of the other party is essential. Everyone has dreams and the top secret of tactfulness is to decode the dreams of others and help them. This is obvious from the Hindi song: “Aap hame acche lagane lage; sapne sacche hone lage” that means since I started to like you, my dreams are coming true. So, it is most important to be in close touch altruistically, empathetically and sincerely with all stakeholders and SUCCESS will follow.

Wizards of the World!

Spread the Wonderful Message

Tactful Actions and Communications Tend to Success

In Creating

Wonders of  World