Having Own Confidant(e) is the Secret to a Stress-Free Life and Career

 

Choose Credible Confidant/e for Career Care and

Course   Corrections to Chase Competitors for the

Crest Sans Crushing Consequences

                                             

Having Own Confidant(e) is the Secret to a Stress-Free Life and Career

Human history is a record of contests and wars fought with arms, muscle and talent. Thus, in one’s life and career one has to contest on several fronts. Winning in small or big battles is dependent on making right choices and decisions.

Decision and tension rhyme well and have a connection to emotions and temperaments of the people involved. And humans are not yet the complete masters of their minds. Therefore, despite meticulous training and constant practice, decisions can go wrong as emotions and, consequently, tension flares up. The consequences are disastrous.

The World Heart Federation  (WHF) in its brochure issued on ‘World Heart Day’ (29 September 2024) states that ”OUR GOAL IS TO STOP THE WORLD”S BIGGEST KILLER”. It further adds that “cardiovascular disease (CVD) is the world’s number one killer. Combined, conditions affecting the heart or blood vessels - such as heart attack, stroke and heart failure – kill more than 20.5 million every year.

“The majority of these deaths happen in low- and middle-income countries. We want to bring this number down – way down. And there’s hope: 80% of premature deaths from CVD are preventable. By making small changes to our lifestyle – what we eat and drink, how much we exercise and how we manage stress – we can better manage our heart health and beat CVD.”

WHF emphasizes changes in lifestyle (food, drink, exercise ) to reduce the deaths. But, the biggest basic change that needs to be made, as stated in their brochure, is to alter “how we manage stress”. And, the origin of stress is the decision making style - it is the root cause and is widespread. 

According to a Google snippet, an average adult makes between 33,000 and 35,000 decisions per day. The ancient sages were aware of this and very effectively drive home the point .

“In Sanskrit, there is only one tiny difference in the spelling of the words ‘stress’ (Chinta) and ‘funeral pyre’ (Chita), which in the written script is only an extra dot.” Moreover, the “pyre burns a dead body, and stress burns the living.” - resanskrit.com

The executive calibre and success of organisations depends on the proportion of right and wrong decisions. According to an INC Newsletter, the world’s top 8 corporates, including Daimler Benz  suffered  losses due to some of the biggest business mistakes in history.

Scholars, gurus and business magnates are aware of the need to improve the art and science of decision making. Enormous efforts are made to impart the skill, and yet, finding a master key eludes us all.

The master key is the human mind. It is described as unfathomable,  taller than the Himlayas, deeper than the Pacific and faster than hurricanes. Eminent authors in their paper, ”The Hidden Traps In Decision Making”, rightly state that “sometimes the fault lies not in the decision-making process but rather in the mind of the decision maker. The way the human brain works can sabotage the choices we make.”

No wonder  then that under daunting, dramatic changes and all-round pressures, even someone with steely nerves can make wrong decisions.

The Master Key for Right Decisions: a Confidant(e)

The most effective and proven remedy is to have a  confidant(e), or a thought partner. The first advantage is that it eliminates bottling up of emotions and gives a vent to relieve pressure. Once the pressure is reduced, the confidante, who can also act as a ‘devil’s advocate’, helps analyse the complex situation and, together with you, comes up with alternatives at different levels of risk. The basic need for a right decision is objectivity. It is almost impossible for the decision maker ,who is deeply involved and suffers from various decision  traps. The confidant/e, not being involved, can have objectivity and hence can serve as a guiding light. By approaching situations without pre-conceived biases, individuals gain a clearer understanding of the challenges 

 

The idea of a confidant(e) is not new. Ancient kings had seers and saints to confide in about sensitive and complex matters, relating to family or palace. Here are some eminent towering leaders and their confidants:

• Lord Ram  - Rishi Vashistha

• Chandragupta Maurya - Chanakya

• Alexander the Great - Aristotle

• Queen Victoria - Viscount Melbourne

• Abraham Lincoln - Stanton

• President Obama - Executive Sounding Board

Effectiveness of a Confidant(e)

A confidant(e) should:

 

• preferably be an informal relationship with full trust and confidentiality.

• should be a relationship that emerges naturally during frequent meetings in social or business meetings over time.

• have a balanced nature, be trustworthy, mature, a creative thinker with wide interests and contacts, in addition to a high degree of discretion.

• have rich experience having gone through the rough and tough – ‘been there, done that’ and have an impeccable reputation.

• focus on thinking out of the box about your predicament and give possible alternatives while leaving the choice and implementation to you. 

• restrict to giving honest and unbiased advice.

• not get into the roles as mentor, coach, or trainer.

• be able to respond promptly and ready to spare time when you have a doubt, a difficulty, anxiety, apprehension, or sense a possible error of judgment due to a blind spot or, a setback due to others’ machinations.

And one last solemn assurance, in the role of a confidant(e) – including as a devil’s advocate the person should be objective, brutally frank and tell the truth. Not out of vanity, but to safeguard you from harm due to hubris and a sense of infallibility, a common executive malaise.

Businesses are getting more and more complex due to the emergence of artificial intelligence, machine learning and the coalescence of various fields. In such a situation, no one can claim to be a know-all and it is quite normal to have more than one confidant(e)

Thus, decision makers do not have to be overwhelmed by the emotional turmoil raised by contradictory thoughts created by the lure of success or fear of failure. The confidant(e) as an uninvolved person can make objective analysis and both together can arrive at a rational decision that optimises the risks/lures.

[Note: The aim of the  blog is to highlight the recommendations of the World Health Federation on the occasion of ‘World Health Day’ observed on September 29 every year.]

                                           

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